Thoughts on the Modern woman

We have all heard the terms spelling the tea and clout chasing but few understand the differences. There is an appetite to know the business of those who are more popular than us because that's all a celebrity is, someone who is more popular than the average person.

At any rate the spilling of the tea has become such an appetite that there are wars about who has the juiciest tea, who can spin the most interesting narrative and who can bring information that no one else has.

Clout chasing is similar to spilling the tea because someone is creating a narrative about a celebrity just to get their 15 minutes of fame themselves. Either way there is no thought placed on what these narratives do to the individual who is at the center of this tea or narrative.

As many of you know, when I began these writings I reviewed lots of material, this time is no different. As I was reviewing clout chasing material and spilling the tea material. I came across something that piqued my interest and pissed me off at the same time. Apparently, Queen Mother Iyanla Vanzant was being interviewed by the Giro. During this interview masculine and feminine energy was discussed. Sista Iyanla discussed how as black women we have lost some of our grace, compassion, nurturing, femininity, elegance, and divinity, she expressed that black women can state that they are the boss, large in charge but she is not seated on the throne as a Queen or the crown is on her head is crooked and sisters do not know how to hold that place without using masculine aggression. Ultimately it’s killing us as black women.

The notion that black women are looking for a man who will “provide and protect” yet they are failing in being honest with this masculine trait they tend to display. As women continue to grow professionally and intellectually one of the mindsets that is becoming more common than the norm is the feminist traits of”I don’t need a man”. This mindset that harbors masculine traits of direct, demand, and discipline creates the “I don’t need a man climate” and is ultimately keeping us single as women, especially black women.

The black woman is the one who affirms, nurtures, and guides. We are the creators even though we are always on the journey of learning, which we all should be learning everyday.

I do understand that everyone has an opinion and it is healthy to see critical thinking and not everyone agreeing. In fact conservations should be balanced, we should have one side presented as well as the opposite side presented which allows for a balanced viewpoint however; when your viewpoint becomes abusive and sarcasm then you have not added to the conservation, you have decreased the value of knowledge to a degree that it solidifies what the individual was saying and shows the lack of maturity.

It has taken me some time to develop this blog based on the way this conservation has progressed. Let’s explore the parameters of conservation, we had 2 different generations. An elder who is giving advice based on experience to a younger woman who by all accounts is successful and has the right to choose whatever man she wants to date, see, be with, or even marry. No one is suggesting that this is not a woman’s right but it’s the manner in which the younger sista came off that is causing the stir.

To suggest that a bus driver is not a quality catch in a man suggests that black men are mediocre, average, and not the 6 figure man these women speak of, well let’s break that down. No one is suggesting that you have to lower standards but why do you feel that the brother who is a blue collar worker is an average mediocre catch. What is it about you other than your face, the hair, the expensive clothes, the expensive bags, and money that makes you such a great catch?

Because the sister is an attorney these same mediocre brothers who you speak of have given you some of that shine you now want to rub in their faces. These same brothers are the ones who are supporting you and giving you the views for these so-called high value men to even consider you a quality catch but while you are speaking on the Brothers you failed to mention that you had a white man as your mate at one time. So your example to black women is much like an affluent brother’s example. Once you get the come up you resort to the white man much like some of our brothers do with the white women. So I guess your speaking on the community is only in the spaces where you are safe you know those around black people space because you certainly don’t do that pillow talk time with our white men thus, the Elder was right you are living in your masculine energy and have not tapped into your feminine energy because if you had this wouldn't be a conservation.

The reason it is still gaining traction is because you are doubling down on your statements and much like our Brother Kevin Samuels RIP, you are giving a female version and we all know who he spent his last hours with, it’s those things that make you say hmmm but I digress.

The reality is this new black woman who finds the black man average, mediocre, and not sustaining is simply a hurt sister who is striving to become someone who she is not, she harbors such a negative energy that she is almost self hating. The 7 Guiding Principles Queen Mother Shahrazad Ali speaks of include Patience, Sense of Humor, Knowing how to cook and prepare the proper food, Speaking civilized to our men, Being careful with money and making sound decisions, Forgiveness, and Setting a good example over our children.

We all possess these traits as black women. Some of us are more in tune than others, but the new modern black woman wants to abandon these traits for superficial, material things that do not equate to love. Have you ever thought about how you can be dating the same person over and over. That is because it is what you are attracted to. You spend so much energy trying to live a life that was not designed for you. I am inspired to become a writer but that does not mean that I will abandon my value set.. As I manifest my dreams and goals, I am reminded that I have a “Provider and Protector” and we are Nation Building. What we both do is best for our Kingdom.

Our sisters have forgotten how the family was the essential part to our success and well being, we survived because we needed each other, even in the midst of chaos, we still survived. We are becoming women that are all for self and do not include the black man.

It is a fact that black women out earn and out educate black men, so to call a “bus driver” average, where do these professional women think they are going to find these high quality brothers they speak of if we are out earning and out educating them? Where are they going to find this already self-made man? Where are they going to find this man who does nothing but cater to you “modern woman” , take your criticism, take your abuse, and still call himself “a man” even better than that your man? And modern woman even if you find one with those qualities you still will have a brother who is not attentive, a brother who is a workaholic, or a brother who can care less about your wants and needs he sees you as the provider and protector well actually he begs and collects because you present that masculine energy all the time.

Where are they going to find them? The answer is simple: they are not going to find them, they are going to get a fantasy version they created in their head and go through living the same year over and over and calling it life.

It’s not about how loud you can talk, how small your waist is, how big your but is, how long your hair is, or how long your nails are. It’s about how well you can build with the brother. Remember how they would tell us you gotta be the kind of girl he takes home to Mom? Truth is, he’s not taking you home, he’s only showing up when you need him to portray your man, he’s not interested in building with you based on your value set and skill set. He only wants to see you when it’s convenient for him, not you. You only think your controlling the situation but he sees your hurt and pain, he even knows how to adjust to appease the masculinity in you, and when it comes down to him being serious and ready to settle, he moves on finds his match and you simply become a “pick me” for the next brother.

Stop valuing what another sister said based on her broken experience, and please stop calling us mammies because we understand how to love the black man. If you would shut up and listen we could teach you a few things. Yes, some of our elders got it wrong when they started “you don’t need a man” they said it but failed to tell you to be professional, be fierce, be aggressive in getting the bag but remain the Queen on the throne, after all men build we create. By leaving out those valuable nuggets we have a generation of broken women trying to fix other broken women and justifying the broken pieces by saying it's the black man's fault.

Nah sis, that’s all you. My heart bleeds for you because by the time you figure it out, I promise it’s gonna be too late. I once heard a brother speak highly of a sister but when asked why are you not trying to get with her, he simply said she’s a “plain jane”. Yeah plain Jane, we don’t need much, we don’t require much on the surface but when we love real men know plain Jane is honest, full of integrity, and loyal by default. We may be plain Jane by modern women standards and even by some men standards but Plane Jane Always wins in the end. Brothers who want to be loved correctly know the value of plain Jane and he keeps that hidden gem to himself which is why their bond is unbreakable and unmovable. I suggest you try less to impress and be more clever and do better.

That’s it, be more clever and do better!

I invite you step into your Essence and know your Excellent